Yes it’s plain and obvious,
I mean at least I knew,
That Sir Ian Mckellen was crooked,
A little bit askew.
So I was determined,
To make the knight out mine,
Even though he was sixty-four, protestant, British, and gay…
I still was set upon changeing his mind.
The greatest Shakesperian actor,
Or at least that’s what they say,
I mean he played GANDALF,
He mustn’t be gay!
So thus I went to see him,
In a new play part,
I snuck behind the stage,
So we could have a heart to heart.
I traped him in his dressing room,
And gave him a bit of a shock,
I slammed the door behind me,
And dead bolted the lock.
I stated I loved him,
He steped back in fear,
He said, “Sorry I don’t play that way,
Darling I’m a queer.”
So my plan had failed,
I was a ‘fool of a took,’
I unlocked the door and let him go,
And decided that now for David Bowie I would look.